In my opinion, marriage is an important milestone in our life and I am a little sad to see that our society doesn’t think it’s necessary. Of course nobody should get married for the sake of marriage without knowing each other, but I believe a happy marriage is making life a hundred times better. Also, I see many people who live together maybe even have children and don’t get married because they think marriage is a piece of paper. I might be old style but I think everybody who is married knows how much more it is than a paper… It is a clear sign that you made a decision to live through the good and the bad, to continue the journey of life together. A big fancy wedding is not necessary, it’s just a nice accessory 🙂
I had three weddings due to the fact that I am Hungarian my husband is Israeli and we live in China. Our civil ceremony was held on the 5th of August, the Hungarian wedding 6th of August and the Israeli wedding 24th of October, 2017. I wish I could live again any of these days 🙂
One year into marriage I definitely feel the difference it made in our relationship on both of us. I read many books, I asked other people and I follow my instincts to define what are the main directions I want to follow in my marriage. I tried many advices and I want to share few of the best ones I experienced so far.
#1 Never go to sleep angry
Many people say this, but it can be hard to keep. We spend time in different countries and different continents sometimes so it is not easy but I am happy to say that in the last 1 year this never happened to us. I believe (and real life sciences prove it) that keeping negative thoughts especially anger can damage our health. This is the reason why I think it is harmful to “swallow” bad feelings and wait till it becomes something big. We are not afraid to argue, my husband is an extremely honest person, for me its past experience that teach me that keeping anger for your partner will create a wall between you, which will slowly divide your union.
#2 Put your ego aside
Let’s be honest, we people like ourselves the most. If we get hurt by something, we like to tell ourselves how bad is the other person, how can he do this us, now it’s time to teach a lesson or prove him how stupid he is and make him feel really bad about himself.
Do you think you can win an argument in a marriage? What can you win by making the other person feel terrible or stupid by proving how smart and amazing you are? In my opinion you CANNOT win an argument in a marriage, because there is no Party A and Party B, everything that happens between a married couple will affect both parties equally.
I still struggle with this one a lot, I try not to listen to the silly little voice in my head, I try my best not to criticize in a harmful or damaging way. This does not mean that you cannot argue, but the arguments should be about the specific situation not about proving how bad is your partner and how great you are.
#3 Create your own little team
When you become married hopefully that is the foundation of your new family, therefore you want to build it on concrete. I think it is important to have time for the two of you before becoming parents to truly create your own little club. It is essential to create a kind of language with insider jokes that only you to understand. We also keep daydreaming about what we want to do in life, where we want to travel to, which concert we want to go to and talk about the bright future too. However, this little team is not all about having fun. It is also important that you decide together on certain responsibilities, simply by using the advantage of each others personality and stick to it. You need to be able to count on each other. In public, you must always respect each other and when possible share the same opinion, at least don’t criticize each other in front of others 🙂
It is such a big advantage in life that you have a partner who can help you and teach you in things that you may not be the best at, so don’t be shy to ask for help. We learn a lot from each other everyday and when one of us is too busy or feeling down we really try to ease the tension. Isn’t this the essence of marriage?
#4 Balance between personal life and married life
This can be really tricky because when you are married you may feel you want to spend every single minute with your loved one. I also have this feeling, but I literally force myself sometimes to not to spend the night with my husband and to do a travel trip with my family without him. Even if it is about friends or just personal time alone, I think one night a week is a must for any human individual, unless it is not possible to arrange because of a baby. Moreover, even if I could, I would not always invite him to spend time with my family and friends with me. Even if we are married, I am still the daughter of parents and the big sister of my siblings and the friend of my friends, I do not want to give up on any of my other “identities” for him.
It is important to have hobbies together, but definitely do not share every hobby.
#5 Respect and be interested in each other
I know this sounds obvious, but it is not. We come from different culture so it is essential that we respect each other, but it is much harder to actually show interest. For example, my husband never celebrated Christmas before in his life, but of course he was open for it with my family and played it all along, which I was extremely helpful for. I also spend time on things that interest him for the sake of getting to know him better. In our case, I don’t like to go shopping but I often go with my husband because he is really into that 🙂
In my opinion the sense of common values in life is more important than the culture differences. We obviously adopt to each other during the last 5 years, but we still remain quite different personalities, which is fine as long as we agree on values and priorities in life.
#6 Laugh everyday
This is by far the easiest. You can easily make anybody laugh, you just need to put a bit of effort, in my case I can just start to sing a song and quickly turns into dancing together in a way that I would never want to see myself. Also, we talk some really silly things, if other people would hear it I am pretty sure we would be transferred to an institution for people with special needs, but as long as we are having fun it’s okay right?!
Your house should be a place where others like to come over to, where they feel good energy and good vibes. Nobody likes to live in a museum where people are too serious.
You can use words to describe how much your partner means to you, but I think small thoughtful presents or acts speak much louder than words.
Wish to see many more happy marriages in this fast space world 🙂